It Was Never About the Soap

A few weeks ago, my wife said something that caught me completely off guard.

“You’ve been using my bar of soap.”

Without hesitation, I replied, “No, I haven’t.”

She smiled.

“Yes, you have.”

Now I was determined to defend myself.

“How would you even know? You leave for work before I take my shower.”

She looked at me and calmly said,

“I know because every morning I find my soap in a different position.”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

She continued.

“When I finish my shower, I leave the soap hanging over the edge of the soap holder. That way it dries properly and is easy to pick up the next time I use it.”

“But every morning, after you’ve showered, it’s pushed all the way back into the soap dish. It sticks to the holder, and I have to pry it loose before I can use it.”

That’s when it hit me and I was a little embarrased.

It was never about the soap.

It was about something I had never noticed.

From my perspective, I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I simply picked up the soap, used it, and put it back.

From her perspective, I was creating the same frustration every single morning.

Not because I didn’t care.

Because I didn’t understand why she left it that way in the first place.

The moment she explained it, everything changed.

I understood.

And once I understood…

Changing my behavior became easy.

That conversation stayed with me far longer than I expected.

It made me think about leadership.

How often do we ask employees to follow a policy without explaining why it exists?

How often do managers become frustrated because “people just don’t follow the rules”?

At the same time, how often do employees become frustrated because a rule feels unnecessary or overly strict?

Sometimes the problem isn’t a lack of willingness.

Sometimes it’s a lack of understanding.

I’ve learned that people are much more likely to support a process when they understand the purpose behind it.

The “why” creates ownership.

The rule alone often creates resistance.

The soap taught me a lesson I’ll carry into every business I lead.

Before expecting people to follow the process…

Explain the purpose.

Whether you’re leading employees…

Raising children…

Or simply sharing a bathroom with your spouse…

A little understanding can prevent a lot of unnecessary frustration.

By the way…

I now put the soap back exactly where she likes it.

Not because she told me to.

Because now I understand why.

So let me leave you with one question:

What’s one rule in your home or workplace that people struggle to follow—and have you ever taken the time to explain why it matters?

Dr. Anthony Ndungu, PhD. MBA, RN
Entrepreneur | Leader | Growth Advocate
CEO, http://www.kansashomehealth.com|www.medicashift.com|www.meadowlarkcarehomes.com
“We make lives better.”